Last Time – Descriptive Writing Coursework

As I stare outside the old shattered window into the dark gloomy sky I’m trying to forget what me and my brother Jacob had just witnessed: piled up clothes, torn jeans, torn t-shirts, cracked glass and empty bottles around our abandoned room – my brother completely exhausted staring into the plain ceiling trying to understand why and what just happened. Why were we born in this generation I ask myself, why? Wars, money, wars, money, wars: that is what this world is all about now.

That’s messed up man, how can we just witness that happening? Our own mum getting killed. Living in a futuristic war zone like Advanced Warfare. This is the time that I can finally have a chat with my bro before our last moments on earth.

I hear my brother about to say his first words since the shocking incident. Knowing my brother for this long, I knew exactly what he meant without him even saying anything. I sit on my old squeaky mattress while my brother lounges across from me. Looking at Jacob’s emotions, he has finally calmed down and relaxed. I hardly ever see Jacob like this, face restless yet frozen, baggy eyes, legs floppy and weak. My body was slightly shaking but I tried to control myself. Wow, my bro looks real scared right now. Damn, maybe I should have taken the bullet rather than mum.

‘Yo bro.’

Hearing Jacob’s voice immediately helped me settle down.

‘I think this is the end man.’

Just hearing the word ‘end’ come from my brother’s mouth made me freeze up. I don’t want to die, I wanted to become a graphic designer, why why why why?

‘Bro stop over thinking and listen to me, for God’s sake.’

My body boiling up with rage towards this corrupted world.

‘Bro don’t this remind you of Advanced Warfare a little bit – just without the zombies’.

A giggle comes to my deserted soul.

There it is, my bro is finally back to himself. Even though he doesn’t like video games he still laughs.

‘Jacob do you remember that time when we almost broke the world record on drive club?’

So my bro thinks he can say ‘we’ when it was me who done all of the work, top joke man.

Finally, my body is back to itself; me and my brother Jacob can finally have a nice calmed conversation without thinking about anything else happening outside. This is nice.

The noise around our bedroom has suddenly quietened down and the only things you could hear is me and my brother’s voices.

We talk on for hours and hours.

This has to be one of the most calmest times I’ve had with my brother. No fighting, No arguing, No playing just chilled.

I look around our desolated room with old creased FiFa posters on Jacob’s side and neat and tidied Naruto posters on my side. Wow, this really is it.

In a split second a beaming bright light surrounds our old room. Jacob looks straight at me and says, ‘See you upstairs bro, mum’s waiting’.


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One response to “Last Time – Descriptive Writing Coursework”

  1. jnorth Avatar
    jnorth

    This is engaging in places and the moral dilemma your speaker faces is presented well through the reactions of the brother.

    Does this conform to the requirements of the task? Where is the second voice? If it is there, it is not clear enough.

    Rather than telling us you are ‘Living in a futuristic war zone like Advanced Warfare. ‘ it would be much more effective to show give us visual clues that lead us to believe you are living in this dystopia. What might these symbols be? Why? See me and I can help you plan them if you need to. Where else can you add these details to make this world seem more real.

    Use a new line for each new piece of dialogue, this will make it easier to read.

    Re-read and edit basic spelling, punctuation and grammar.

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